Never-Say-Neverisms, by William Safire and others

The Soap Story, from the pen of humorist Shelley Berman

Real Tourists' Real Questions, from Outside Magazine

Thoughts on The Universe, from various sources

Bad Headlines: Double Meanings From Around The World

Famous Last Words: real last words from history, from various sources

Tech Support Story: Microsoft Tech Support vs. Psychic Friends Network

Why English Is So Hard; homonyms and homophones to confuse everybody!

Mapping the World by Heart
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Real Questions From Real Tourists

From Outside Magazine, May, 1995, and Other Sources

From the British National Tourist Agency Office:

(About Windsor Castle) Why did they build the castle directly under the approach to Heathrow Airport?

What bus do I take from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?

Is Edinburgh in Glasgow?

Canadian National Tourist Board:

Which direction is North in Canada?

Are there supermarkets in Canada, and is milk available all year round?

Grand Canyon National Park:

Was this man-made?

Do you light it up at night?

I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?

Is the mule train air conditioned?

So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park:

Are the alligators real?

Are the baby alligators for sale?

Where are all the rides?

What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska):

What time do you feed the bears?

Can you show me where the yeti lives?

How often do you mow the tundra?

How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park:

Did people build this, or did Indians?

Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?

What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?

Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?

Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park:

How much of the cave is underground?

So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?

Does it ever rain in here?

How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?

So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park:

Where are the cages for the animals?

What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?

Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Yellowstone National Park:

Does Old Faithful erupt at night?

How do you turn it on?

When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?

We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?